Teacher Worries
Tuesday, August 11th, 2020 10:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
perniciousfigHow much does work define you? If work gives me direction in my life and I feel lost without it, does that mean I should get my priorities straight? Get me some new passions and hobbies? These are the thoughts that float around in my foggy mind this morning as I'm waiting for my coffee to take effect.
I know a lot of people have it worse off during this pandemic. I am grateful to have my job and be able to pay rent. At the same time, I feel riddled with unnecessary anxiety caused by incompetent leadership at the school district level.
This is my summer break, but I spent the majority of the summer working in preparation for distance learning. Virtual learning in the spring was chaotic, as most teachers can testify. So in preparation for more virtual learning, I built a Google Site for my class, took the unpaid 2-week professional development offered by the county, got certified as a Google Educator, hopped on the Bitmoji wagon etc. Basically, I worked without pay so I could do my job better.
I figured this preparation would be worth if when school started with virtual learning, as I assumed it would at the beginning of summer. Considering the way our government was handling the pandemic, I didn't see it reopening with the hybrid plan even though that was all people seemed to talk about. I guess school districts were busy trying to figure out the hybrid plan, forcing it to work somehow under CDC guidelines and with a slashed budget, turning a blind eye to the difficulty of ACTUALLY implementing the plan with children. It's not the district's job to live the plan anyway, right? Sitting in their cushy offices, telling us teachers what to do...
I wouldn't be feeling quite as spiteful if it weren't for the possibility that all my work will be for naught. The district caused a lot of unnecessary stress. Before the 4-hour Board meeting, the district wanted us all to work from school even when we teach online. They set the reopening with distance learning to a minimum of only 3 weeks (even though surrounding counties set it to 6 or more weeks), and threatened a salary cut if we didn't agree to their plan of having site administrators decide what we do for our weekly 1-hour planning time (usually teacher-directed). Not only do they not trust how we use our own time to plan, they don't trust us to do our work from home. When asked at the board meeting why they set such a short minimum reopening with distance learning, they responded with, "Why 6 weeks? Why 10 weeks? Other districts don't even know why they chose 6 weeks." Apparently the reason for not extending it all the way to winter break was because they would "lose face" if other things start reopening before winter break and our schools were still doing virtual learning. Because "losing face" is more important than losing LIVES.
I had never felt so fired up to do something. It was the first time I wrote to the school board to fight the district's demands. Fortunately, after hours of reading out teacher comments about the injustice of these district demands, the board was convinced that we teachers were right. The union's negotiating team hammered out a good MOU with the district, dispersing the unnecessary restrictions the district tried to impose on us.
Despite winning the somewhat more fair working conditions for virtual learning, our district is cutting it really close with finalizing class sizes and teacher placements this year. Our district is offering a year-long 100% virtual option to families as an alternative to the hybrid plan. Even though we are starting school virtually, we are still considered the "hybrid plan". Choosing the year-long virtual school means that the students learn online all year from a private company, and they get some support from a teacher in our district. Families can still apply until next Friday, 2 days after school starts. So if too many students go to virtual school and there's not enough kids in my class, does that mean they'll kick me out of my school and place me at another school where they need to fill a position? Right now there aren't enough 5th graders in hybrid, so a 5th grade teacher has to move down to 2nd grade, since the 2nd grade teacher decided to teach virtual school. And if numbers are too low in my grade? Do I move down to 2nd since I have tenure and the 5th grade teacher doesn't? Do I get kicked out? Do I still get to apply to teach virtual school or will it be too late?
Despite all the school politics, I suppose I would still have a job in the district in the end. I should really think of it that way. It just seems like we teachers are transferred and slotted, disposed of and plugged into missing spots on a whim without much say. But it's stressful to have to leave a place where you've started growing roots. It's stressful to start from scratch, to be asked to do something without much preparation, to not know and just wait.
I have grown in many ways from the myriad of challenges thrown at me on the job as a teacher. I've learned to be calm in the face of high stress, be flexible by adapting to last minute changes, and be diplomatic in addressing conflicts and concerns. But I'd also like to feel alive and happy in my life outside of work, and not let a job define who I am as a person. I recently read a post-apocalyptic pandemic book where the heroine continues working until the end of her work contract even when practically the whole city died from the virus or moved away. I don't want to be that workaholic who has nothing to anchor me, an empty shell performing routine tasks for the money because that's the only thing that gives me purpose. Heck, I don't even get much money for this job. For the hours of work I put in outside of work, I should be getting paid much more than 50K.
So finally, back to my question - how much does work define you? Or how much SHOULD it define you? Teaching is not my life's calling, but it has definitely given me purpose and meaning in my days. I like the kids and like finding ways to make learning fun. Maybe finding your passion in life or doing a job you love is just an idea that most people work towards all their lives and never find, an idealized goal that propels us modern folks forward in life, to get us through our days. Perhaps this thought is too dark and nihilistic. I hope that if I ever rediscover this post in the future, I will not cringe quite as hard as a few years ago upon rediscovering my old Xanga entries!
I know a lot of people have it worse off during this pandemic. I am grateful to have my job and be able to pay rent. At the same time, I feel riddled with unnecessary anxiety caused by incompetent leadership at the school district level.
This is my summer break, but I spent the majority of the summer working in preparation for distance learning. Virtual learning in the spring was chaotic, as most teachers can testify. So in preparation for more virtual learning, I built a Google Site for my class, took the unpaid 2-week professional development offered by the county, got certified as a Google Educator, hopped on the Bitmoji wagon etc. Basically, I worked without pay so I could do my job better.
I figured this preparation would be worth if when school started with virtual learning, as I assumed it would at the beginning of summer. Considering the way our government was handling the pandemic, I didn't see it reopening with the hybrid plan even though that was all people seemed to talk about. I guess school districts were busy trying to figure out the hybrid plan, forcing it to work somehow under CDC guidelines and with a slashed budget, turning a blind eye to the difficulty of ACTUALLY implementing the plan with children. It's not the district's job to live the plan anyway, right? Sitting in their cushy offices, telling us teachers what to do...
I wouldn't be feeling quite as spiteful if it weren't for the possibility that all my work will be for naught. The district caused a lot of unnecessary stress. Before the 4-hour Board meeting, the district wanted us all to work from school even when we teach online. They set the reopening with distance learning to a minimum of only 3 weeks (even though surrounding counties set it to 6 or more weeks), and threatened a salary cut if we didn't agree to their plan of having site administrators decide what we do for our weekly 1-hour planning time (usually teacher-directed). Not only do they not trust how we use our own time to plan, they don't trust us to do our work from home. When asked at the board meeting why they set such a short minimum reopening with distance learning, they responded with, "Why 6 weeks? Why 10 weeks? Other districts don't even know why they chose 6 weeks." Apparently the reason for not extending it all the way to winter break was because they would "lose face" if other things start reopening before winter break and our schools were still doing virtual learning. Because "losing face" is more important than losing LIVES.
I had never felt so fired up to do something. It was the first time I wrote to the school board to fight the district's demands. Fortunately, after hours of reading out teacher comments about the injustice of these district demands, the board was convinced that we teachers were right. The union's negotiating team hammered out a good MOU with the district, dispersing the unnecessary restrictions the district tried to impose on us.
Despite winning the somewhat more fair working conditions for virtual learning, our district is cutting it really close with finalizing class sizes and teacher placements this year. Our district is offering a year-long 100% virtual option to families as an alternative to the hybrid plan. Even though we are starting school virtually, we are still considered the "hybrid plan". Choosing the year-long virtual school means that the students learn online all year from a private company, and they get some support from a teacher in our district. Families can still apply until next Friday, 2 days after school starts. So if too many students go to virtual school and there's not enough kids in my class, does that mean they'll kick me out of my school and place me at another school where they need to fill a position? Right now there aren't enough 5th graders in hybrid, so a 5th grade teacher has to move down to 2nd grade, since the 2nd grade teacher decided to teach virtual school. And if numbers are too low in my grade? Do I move down to 2nd since I have tenure and the 5th grade teacher doesn't? Do I get kicked out? Do I still get to apply to teach virtual school or will it be too late?
Despite all the school politics, I suppose I would still have a job in the district in the end. I should really think of it that way. It just seems like we teachers are transferred and slotted, disposed of and plugged into missing spots on a whim without much say. But it's stressful to have to leave a place where you've started growing roots. It's stressful to start from scratch, to be asked to do something without much preparation, to not know and just wait.
I have grown in many ways from the myriad of challenges thrown at me on the job as a teacher. I've learned to be calm in the face of high stress, be flexible by adapting to last minute changes, and be diplomatic in addressing conflicts and concerns. But I'd also like to feel alive and happy in my life outside of work, and not let a job define who I am as a person. I recently read a post-apocalyptic pandemic book where the heroine continues working until the end of her work contract even when practically the whole city died from the virus or moved away. I don't want to be that workaholic who has nothing to anchor me, an empty shell performing routine tasks for the money because that's the only thing that gives me purpose. Heck, I don't even get much money for this job. For the hours of work I put in outside of work, I should be getting paid much more than 50K.
So finally, back to my question - how much does work define you? Or how much SHOULD it define you? Teaching is not my life's calling, but it has definitely given me purpose and meaning in my days. I like the kids and like finding ways to make learning fun. Maybe finding your passion in life or doing a job you love is just an idea that most people work towards all their lives and never find, an idealized goal that propels us modern folks forward in life, to get us through our days. Perhaps this thought is too dark and nihilistic. I hope that if I ever rediscover this post in the future, I will not cringe quite as hard as a few years ago upon rediscovering my old Xanga entries!
no subject
Date: 8/14/20 04:28 am (UTC)i don't have the privilege of being one of your students, but i'm sure that they (if not now, then later) will appreciate the work that you are putting in. the parents too!
it's nice to hear that you feel as if you are growing to be a part of the school community as well. :0)
this year fucking sucks!! lol